Women: would you forgive him?
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Archived from the IMDb Discussion Forums — Someone to Watch Over Me
Bladerunneru0095 — 15 years ago(June 10, 2010 01:01 AM)
For the women that have seen this film would you forgive Michael and take him back?
"nothing is left of me, each time I see her" - Catullus -
Bladerunneru0095 — 15 years ago(February 27, 2011 01:33 PM)
My father had a friend that cheated on his wife, once on a business trip. They were having trouble in their marriage and he got drunk and fell into bed with a woman for a few days. He confessed to my dad about a month later and asked him if he thought he should confess. My dad told him he thought he should. The man confessed to his wife. They had been married ten years; I was about two-years-old. The woman decided to forgive him and take him back. This guy died last year, he'd been ill for some time. My dad went to see him about two weeks before he died and they talked about that incident for the first time since it happened. He thanked my dad for urging him to confess. He never cheated again, and they remained married until his death (an additional 45 years). So, your conclusion that "once a cheat, always a cheat" is wrong. Some people make a mistake and never make that mistake again. I will concede though, that most of the time, you are right. Most of the time, if a guy cheats once, he'll cheat again, but not always.
I have a friend right now that has been married for about three years. Her husband has been sexting with two different women. He's been doing it for some time, maybe the entire time they've been married. She forgot her phone and was using his to text a friend and saw some of the texts. She's asked me if I think she should stay, and if I think he's done more. I was really in a spot, because I feel he will definitely do it again and will probably end up doing more, but I told her that I was uncomfortable speculating, because that's all I'd be doing, speculating. He isn't really repentant and tries to blame it on her for various reasons. If a guy begins cheating after only being married a year or so, it seems to me the prognosis is pretty dim, particularly when he refuses to take any responsibility for his actions. He has no record of fidelity to show he can be faithful. This friend of my dad's had been married ten years before he cheated, and then it was only a weekend thing that he immediately ended and confessed. It seems wiser to take it on a case-by-case basis, because one guy may continue cheating, while another guy may never do that again. I think if the guy is honest and repentant and willing to do whatever it takes to rebuild trust, or if it's the other way around if it's the woman that cheats and she is honest and repentant and willing to do whatever it takes to rebuild trust, then the marriage deserves another chance. Of course, it's up to the aggrieved party to decide, but I've seen marriages where people did forgive and stayed married that went on have a healthy, lasting marriage.
"nothing is left of me, each time I see her" - Catullus -
first-things-first — 12 years ago(December 17, 2013 01:06 PM)
I could forgive him. Not sure about taking him back. Did he fall in love or was he seduced. Not in that come hither way, but she showed him a life he dreamed of. Both are hard to deal with. He loves someone else or he want's a different life. From the end scene, he was saying goodbye to Claire. But before that he would tell Ellie he loved her and then make love to Claire. Forgiving him acknowledges that people make terrible mistakes. But taking him back, Ellie would need to know why it happened. Love is not enough. So if I knew why, and I could trust him again, yes I would take him back. In my opinion, usually both people let the relationship get away. That's not to say there is never an innocent victim. That happens too. Claire was innocent in my opinion.
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tinkerbells_sweetheart — 10 years ago(September 13, 2015 01:08 AM)
How exactly was Claire "innocent"? She willingly and knowingly had an affair with a married man. She willingly and knowingly helped to breakup a family and never really showed any guilt or remorse for it. Yes she was innocent in the crime part of the story but in the romance part she was very much complicit. Claire was a homewrecker plain and simple, it was Ellie who was innocent. She did nothing to deserve what happened, she and Michael were shown to have a good and loving marriage before Claire entered the picture and started trying to change Michael and he fell for it. Ellie (and Tommy) was innocent not Claire.
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first-things-first — 10 years ago(September 13, 2015 11:50 AM)
I have no opinion on the family. The conclusion I deduced was that he was unhappy, and started up with Claire. Claire was innocent in the sense that she wasn't thinking clearly, and it just happened. it didn't seem premeditated, in my opinion. I agree she hurt the marriage.
My Bees! No Lisa, your Bees died days ago. Theses are their angry, mutant descendants, Homer -
tinkerbells_sweetheart — 10 years ago(December 16, 2015 02:36 AM)
Are you sure we watched the same movie? Michael and Ellie were shown to be happy and in love before Claire entered the picture. They were playful and touchy-feely at the party together at the beginning and romantic afterwards, Ellie supported him and his choices (i.e. him having to work the night shift, his suit/tie) and he snarkily replied to Claire that "his wife likes this suit" after Claire nastily stated that "if she had more time she would change his suit to". To me that right their summed up the whole triangleEllie loved Michael for who he was, Claire only wanted to change him. Ellie was even cool with it when Michael told her that Claire bought him a tie and they went to a party together (she remarked about how strange that was but was otherwise cool with it) most women would go crazy with jealousy over something like that. It showed that Ellie trusted him. So their marriage was shown to have love, romance, respect and trust before Claire showed up. And I'm sorry but "it just happened"? Okay maybe the first time it just happened but the next night when Michael was clearly shown to be conflicted and remorseful it was Claire going "please just hold me, blah blah blah" I don't care how scared or upset I am I would never go begging a married man to "hold me". I have more respect for myself than that. Again I state that Claire willingly and knowingly had an affair with a married man because she was a selfish, desperate, lonely woman who was always used to getting what she wanted and she gave absolutely no thought whatsoever about Michael's wife and child. Ellie was shown to be stronger than Claire to. Claire needed to have an affair with a married man to get through her crisis whereas Ellie handled everything with strength and courage. She point blank told Michael to make a decision based on his feelings for her and Claire and not on other things like Tommy. She handled learning that while she was home taking care of Tommy and probably crying herself to sleep the night she learned the truth Michael was having sex with Claire with dignity and still managed to be there for Helen. She took care of Tommy and took keeping the two of them safe into her own hands, and she took down Vensa. Not Michael or Claire of any of the other dozen or so cops that were on this case, Ellie did. Ellie was strong and independent, Claire was weak and pathetic. Please share just where he was unhappy before Claire entered the picture?
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first-things-first — 10 years ago(December 16, 2015 05:46 AM)
That marriage wasn't on solid ground if a stranger can get to him in such a way to consider leaving his family. Sure, people look, but happily married people don't touch. As for Claire, I only see the trauma since they did not give a backstory. She didn't appear needy, she seemed scared. And any man would have given her what she needed. Ellie was strong, independent, and sure of herself. She found herself in the unbelievable situation of her husband committing adultery. I draw my conclusions from what happens when Claire enters. It may be incorrect, but happy marriages don't crumble under pressure. I think the director did a great job of showing what is underneath this marriage. He took this "happy marriage" and rocked it to its core.
My Bees! No Lisa, your Bees died days ago. Theses are their angry, mutant descendants, Homer -
golden_muse — 11 years ago(May 09, 2014 01:07 PM)
Nope. Not only did he cheat on her, but he put her down for being not as elegant or sophisticated as his loverthis after she gave up her career for him and birthed his kids. I'd be saying bye bye
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Elaan-of-Troyius — 9 years ago(December 07, 2016 04:32 AM)
Tom Berenger was hot in this movie but Noo way. I laughed when Ellie punched him after he cried and I thought maybe the movie was gonna go that way but there was a typical Hollywood ending that's pretty obvious in the last 20 minutes like. It's not realistic look at this board pretty much every woman would've told him to go shove it