Hi! Fan message from Kris!!
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Archived from the IMDb Discussion Forums — Kylie Jenner
ShooShooFontana — 10 years ago(April 21, 2015 09:29 PM)
Hi! I'll bet you'd all like to know more about my favorite subject: ME!!!!
Well, I was born in 1855 to a blobfish named Myrtle McKumdumpster. Photo of my proud Mama here:
http://www.aquaportail.com/pictures1307/blobfish-psychrolutes-marcidus.jpg
I skanked my a$$ around California for about a century then married my first husband Robert "The Trash Kollecter" Kartrashian. I crapped out 9 kids: Rob "The Lardo", Kourtney "The Kumdumpster", Kim " The Kumdumpster". Khloe "The Kumdumpster", Kylie " The Kumdumpster ", Kendall " The Kumdumpster ", Kumdumpster, Jr. and my triplets: Turd, Bubba and2000 Skankeroo! I married my first wife, Bruce, after I had my sex change operation, divorced her, and am now happily married to a cum-filled shoe named Schlomo Rabinowitz! We've adopted three used condoms we've named KanyeWest, SchmuckiKornhole and Winki McNoodleheimer and we couldn't be more proud!
My hobbies include: whoring out my offspring, selling my feces, sniffing farts, shaving yaks, sleeping with the USC Trojan Marching Band, fly fishing, crapping my pants while running at full speed, eating fresh garbage (no stale garbage for THIS classy mama!), blowing the NE Patriots (including that man Giselle that's married to their QB), judging fart contests, fingering slimy buttholes, welcoming the fleet with open legs, smearing peanut butter in my bush (the crabs get a big kick outta that!),wiping the butts of schizophrenic pyromaniacs, and cheating on my taxes.
Also, in my spare time, I write songs, like this Top 10 hit I wrote about my daughter, Kim "The Kumdumpster":
"I hate fat butts, and I can not lie! Horsey faces need not apply! When I see her skanky face with kum all over the place I run for the door in haste! She eats kum! With a side of home fries! And a dash of fart flies! With a turd for a baby, covered with Kanye gravy and a blast in the face from Ray J! My anaconda don't want none of what you've got, scum!"
Thank you to all my wonderful, schmucky fans! Without you, the rest of the world wouldn't be putting up with me and my spawn!
